I recently read a chat room post about a twenty-nine-year-old, six months after his thirtieth birthday, lamenting his feelings of being a failure. He had just started training for a new career and was now intimidated by the task of embarking on a new path. In addition, he explained that his main complaint when feeling a failure was his disappointment at continuing to be a single man, without children and his current residence with his mother.
Time tables
According to conventional wisdom, most people often advise this gentleman not to live his life according to a schedule or schedule. I understand the mindset from which this conventional wisdom and anti-clockwise thinking is derived. In my opinion, this conventional wisdom advises us to focus more on the present and less on the ultimate goal or destination. I will also point out that, in the past, I have also given this type of advice to others. Now, I will say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with setting a calendar for your life. I still believe in the importance of making sense of the trip (staying in the present). However, with a schedule, the trip not only has more meaning, it also has more structure. Schedules protect against easy distraction from your goals and, over time, provide a clear understanding of how well you are doing, so you can make any necessary adjustments. If you think about it, most of us come into this world on a schedule (think elementary school through high school), so it is quite natural and expected that we develop schedules for our lives as we begin the transition to age. adulthood and independence. So where did some of us go wrong? Also, how can those of us who are going in the wrong direction reorient our paths?
Overcome adversity
According to Murphy’s law, “if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.” Ironically, this is a very optimistic mindset to live with, as anyone with this mindset will always prepare for the worst. But there is a less popular addendum to that law, which says, “Nothing is that predictable.” So if you’ve lived from your childhood through your teens with things going relatively or more or less as planned, you’re in luck. However, you are at a slight disadvantage. Think about it: If you have never experienced the circumstance that things go terribly wrong, chances are you will be significantly traumatized when things go terribly wrong and you are diverted from your schedule. This is a common reason that many people deviate from their goals. It also doesn’t help that we live in a society where we constantly receive the message that success is only reserved for people who work hard and are diligent in all facets of their lives. While there is some truth to this philosophy, it conveys a false positive. That is, if you work hard and are diligent, everything else will always fall into place and go according to plan. Many people who preach this mindset forget to mention the external factors that play a role in people’s lives, factors over which people are powerless. Some examples would be illness, the death of a loved one, being born and raised in extreme poverty, natural disasters … this list could go on and on. People who subscribe to the conventional philosophy of success tend to blame themselves when things (due to factors beyond their control) go wrong, or they project blame in a direction where it is not justified.
So if you’ve deviated from your plans or ambitions because things are going too badly, you may get back on track. How? Eliminating unnecessary “homework” from your thinking. The stars, the moon, and neighboring planets do not have to be aligned for you to pursue your goals. As a veteran of the ongoing war in Afghanistan, I am inspired by memories of a soldier at the base, running in the morning with a prosthetic left leg. (He had lost his leg to a roadside bomb.) In short, you don’t have to look a certain way or come from a certain environment, and things don’t have to happen in a certain order for you to be able to pursue your goals. Learning to accept the reality of your situation and deal with the blows will go a long way.
Fear
Another reason we don’t achieve our goals is that we allow ourselves to be hampered by fear. This often leads to embracing the comforts of our current situation, not wanting to make any progress for fear of failure. An example would be someone who struggles with shyness and is reluctant to date due to fear of rejection. However, despite the desire to start a family, they find themselves aging and still single and continue to take no action.
There is a popular saying: “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.” This saying creates another false positive for most people, who are already experiencing hesitation in trying to make progress in any facet of their life. This is because both metaphorical demons, the one you know and the other you don’t know, are still demons. A positive twist and response to the sayings of the “devil you know” would be: “You need to move on to the next challenge after you have mastered the ways to overcome a current challenge.” So how does a person, mentally burdened with fear, overcome his fear to achieve profit in life? Acquiring support. Seeking the help of someone who can support you during the most challenging times in your life, or seeking the support of others who are going through an experience similar to yours, can be a rewarding experience. As human beings, most would agree that we are creatures who live to increase pleasure in order to reduce pain, or vice versa. However, happiness is found on the path lived in life.
Our journeys in life are characterized by challenges that we have overcome and are overcoming, and the best way to overcome our struggles is to put our challenges in a healthy mental context.
Ugochukwu Uche MS, LPC
Links:
http://www.AskTheInternetTherapist.com
road2resolutions.com