It’s no secret that some stepparents face being branded as mean and intolerable; Although some of these accusations are false, however, there are some situations where a stepparent displays actions and behaviors that are totally wrong. Therefore, this would justifiably make them bad stepparents.
The stepfather may never be a fan of stepchildren, but at the same time, attempts should be made on the part of the stepfather to try to live amicably with his spouse’s children.
So what makes a bad stepdad?
Talk negatively about the other parent
As a stepparent, you may have entered your spouse’s life with background information of what your ex did. Yes, they may have misbehaved and broken the heart of their spouse or even abandoned the children. What is wrong for you as a stepparent is now to talk about what the biological father did in front of the children and make a big scene about it.
Whether or not your stepchildren know about the event that led to the separation between your parents, it’s not really for you to talk in front of them.
Badmouthing your birth parents will never put you in the good children’s books and is a sign of immaturity on your part.
Not taking the time to get to know your stepchildren
To form a good relationship, it is important to get to know the children. This, like any other type of relationship, would always take time and some effort on your part.
If you do not make a conscious decision to meet your stepchildren, then you will not understand each other and the family unit risks never becoming stable and happy.
A bad stepparent will not get to know the stepchildren because they feel the relationship is between the two adults in the family, but this is far from the truth. Not even trying to meet the children is an act of selfishness.
Discipline your stepchildren
While it is important for all children to embrace discipline or not when the need arises, it is particularly important to let birth parents do so, especially in the early stages of their relationship.
The way a stepchild would react to discipline from you would be different from your biological parent and, in most cases, could cause problems for you and your spouse if you decide to discipline your stepchild. It is always best to leave this up to your spouse and discuss any issues that you feel should be dealt with by them.
The decision to discipline your stepchildren should be discussed between you and your spouse; the age of the children would also determine whether he would be in a position to discipline them.
Insisting that your stepchildren call you mom or dad
This is an absolute no no! It’s not up to you to dictate to your stepchildren to call you Mommy or Daddy. If you’ve been involved in their lives for a long time, they might decide to call you Mom or Dad, but even so, if they don’t, it’s not up to you to decide that it’s about time they called you that.
In some stepparent homes, the stepchild will call the stepparent mommy or daddy after they have developed a bond and, in some cases, if their other biological parent is no longer an important part of their lives.
Just because your stepchildren don’t call you mom or dad doesn’t mean they won’t love you or treat you with respect. The only time it almost comes naturally to a stepchild is if he is too young to remember his biological father and almost automatically starts calling you his father.
Preferential treatment of their own children
If, as a stepparent, you are offering your own children preferential treatment to the detriment of your stepchildren, they may never trust or accept you in their lives. Yes, you love your own biological children and want the best for them; Now that you are in a new environment with your spouse and children, it is up to you to treat all children equally.
If you treat all children in the family in the same way, this will help create a stable unit. Sometimes, even when you don’t realize it, your stepchildren may be watching your every action to see if you are treating them the same way you treat your own children. They may never outwardly acknowledge or appreciate this, but make sure that if they get any preferential treatment, they’ll express it quickly.
These are just a few examples of bad stepparents.
It is generally recognized that the job of a stepparent requires hard work, perseverance, and patience. Not trying to make it work from the beginning is a sign that you are a bad stepparent.