LOOKING FROM EYE TO EYE
A lot of emphasis is placed on eye contact during interactions with people. But the advice that is often given is mechanical with an instruction booklet.
The importance of eye contact is evident when you are with someone who wears sunglasses. It feels awkward and uncomfortable when you can’t see his eyes.
The eyes are an instinctive focus. And we can usually define a person’s character by their eyes. For example, when you look at a photograph of a murderer (the examples of Mira Hindley and Ian Bradyprime), you get the feeling of “evil” just with their eyes.
Not only is eye contact important, but also NOT making eye contact. Someone cannot look you in the eye due to negative emotions such as sadness, boredom, or depression. It can also be a sign of shame or guilt. So however you cut it, the eyes convey a lot, whether you give it or not.
And women turn to eyes and eye contact for the attractiveness of a man. I’ve never asked a girl how they judge a guy by his eyes, but apparently they do. Maybe it could be the result of eye contact a guy makes? Like when he looks into her eyes, it makes her feel weak and vulnerable, depending on her hidden intentions anyway.
In any case, we know that the eyes are important and we need to be able to look at them. Similarly, people need to see OUR eyes so they feel like they can trust you and see you in your entirety.
EYE CONTACT TEST
Try this …
Walk down the street and keep eye contact with people as the day progresses. People will walk by and have their heads down, but give it a try.
Uncomfortable? Do you feel the pressure to look away?
Now try it with sunglasses.
How easy is it to try to make eye contact when you are behind sunglasses? Feel a little more comfortable?
Sunglasses are like a mask. It’s so much easier to try to look people in the eye because you know they can’t do the same to you. If you want a spiritually sexual innuendo, they can’t penetrate your soul.
It’s amazing how simply covering your eyes can allow you to feel a little more powerful and confident.
So what does this tell you?
Eye contact is easy when we feel like we are hidden from view. But why would we hide? Or why would we divert our eyes from sustained eye contact?
Simple, because we feel vulnerable and insecure. We believe that people can know everything about us. On the other hand, they are a means of avoiding being defiant. When someone becomes enraged and wants to attack, they often do not make eye contact before attacking. They don’t want to give signals.
So ask yourself what you are communicating when you avoid contact.
1) You are vulnerable and low-level.
2) You feel inferior to the other person, so you don’t want to appear defiant or attract attention.
3) Both of the above suggest little or no confidence.
EYE CONTACT TO START
Another point is the fear that starts something. A beautiful girl has just entered the room. Now you can watch it for hours if you want. That is, until he stops the conversation and looks in your direction.
“Trapped! ABORT!”
You know if you keep eye contact you would have to go and do something. You would have to start. And besides that, you feel vulnerable for having put your interest there. She knows admiring her is awesome, but the thought of having a conversation with this fear makes you nervous. Again, it’s about feeling inferior and not wanting to start anything.
I try to avoid any eye contact, because if I do that, it opens the door to conversation like I want that – Eminem
I KNOW I’M VULNERABLE, NOW WHAT?
Well then it is not a mechanical process. It is done automatically, in the same way that looking away is automatic. It all comes from how you feel about yourself, because that is what you unconsciously communicate.
If you were not feeling inferior to the beautiful girl in front of you, you would gladly have her eyes come your way. I would see that as a green light to start.
When you feel firm about a decision and you feel very strong about it, then you wouldn’t mind looking someone in the eye if they disagree with you. You wouldn’t see it as a challenge to shy away from.
So the obvious first step to getting comfortable looking someone in the eye is to desensitize yourself. By that I mean walking down the street and looking into the eyes of as many people as you can.
However, this is where your fear of ‘what could happen next’ might be unleashed. You might think, “Shit. This could lead to a conversation. What do I do then ?!”, and so you look away to avoid entering her.
You have to wonder where your discomfort comes from. Are you feeling vulnerable and insecure about yourself? Or are you dreading the consequences, such as a conversation, starting something, a guy confronting you, etc.?
There would be no point in going out and looking into each other unless you feel confident and sure of what might happen next.
Remember, use your eyes to communicate non-verbally. It is an act of initiating something subliminally with another person. And only people who feel safe and powerful within themselves can give it naturally.