When I was 10 years old, a little friend turned to me at day camp and said, “Your legs are shaped like carrots. They’re skinny at the bottom and fat at the top. Mine are more shaped like green beans.”
Right.
When I was 14, a girl named Danni on my swim team informed me and my friends that “if you can see a roll of skin on your stomach when you sit on the toilet, then you are fat and need to lose weight.” .”
Hmph.
I don’t know about you, but when I sit on the toilet (maybe it’s my posture) I see two things: a roll around my waist and my thighs squashed to their greatest possible circumference. I estimate that in the last 20 years I have sat on the toilet about 32,000 times. I would say that at least half of those times the little stories of my youth have crossed my mind. Hmmm…that’s 16,000 times I’ve had those thoughts. That’s not healthy!
Unsolicited comments. We have all received them. Where do they lurk in your life? Why do they stick?
In this case, they probably stayed because I was at a really impressionable age. It is probably due to some nature/nurture, self-esteem, or self-esteem issue. My rational mind can see that the girls probably said what they said because they felt insecure in some way. Expect. Does that make insecurity contagious? Can we literally spread insecurity like a hot potato? That’s stupid.
There is a lot to talk about here. Somewhere inside each of us, there is a little child who is still whipped by these unsolicited attacks. I guess the problem arises when she (the girl that I am) appears when I’m sitting on the toilet, or when I feel “less than”. She has no more skills or knowledge to deal with comments than she did back then. However, my adult self has an arsenal: ways to ground myself, the ability to control my thinking and be more rational, compassion for myself and those other little children, gratitude for my body and all its active parts, sense of humor. and a sense of “who cares about a flying wrench.”
Above all, when it comes to dealing with the emotions that arise from old unsolicited jokes, awareness is key. Awareness of what “part” of us is responding inside and out.
PS: These carrot legs can really kick some green bean butt.