So what makes a long and healthy gay relationship successful? Our society certainly doesn’t make it easy for us as gay men to go out and mate with all the homophobia and discrimination out there. Although this is slowly beginning to change in many parts of the world, male-to-male love continues to be stigmatized and this backdrop of cultural oppression and hatred can put a strain on the budding relationship of a gay couple that many heterosexual couples can give. for granted. . As a gay community, we lack visible and adequate positive role models of gay couples who provide hope for the success of a long-lasting relationship. As men, we have been conditioned to define our masculinity in rigid and narrow ways as part of the socialization process growing up and this can create conflict when we match two people of the same gender in search of intimacy and emotional connection. And then we have our own layers of discrimination and pressure in our own gay community that can sometimes make gay couples feel unsupported and uninspired to achieve relationship longevity in the one place they thought they would be safe. : among yours.
While the odds seem to be against us in the fight for the dream of reclaiming our lawful husband with the accompanying house, the white fence, and the proud rainbow flag firmly attached to the front porch, they don’t have to be obstacles to our success. Having to face so much adversity has allowed many of us to be quite resilient in the face of stress and makes us good candidates for partnerships with the right focus and determination. There are many gay men in long-term relationships who can attest to the realization of this dream and speak of happiness and happiness in their relationship status. But what are the ingredients that make a gay relationship healthy?
Characteristics of successful homosexual couples
There is no specific plan or formula on how to maintain a long and successful relationship. One of the beauties of being gay is that we can create our own definitions of what constitutes an ideal relationship for ourselves, as we are not hampered by restrictive gender roles and norms like our heterosexual counterparts. Each couple develops their own unique partnership that works for them. With that said, there are some universal qualities that can promote a stronger, more functional relationship in the long run for partners seeking long-term connection and happiness.
Successful gay couples may exhibit some of the following …
1. They share compatible interests and philosophies of life.
It is important that partners have similar interests and hobbies to share in common in order to build experiences together, but it is also essential to have some differences to complement each other. This helps to keep the mystery and intrigue alive in the relationship that exists to contrast. Who wants to have an exact replica of themselves with whom they interact on a daily basis? Bored! However, what is absolutely critical is that both partners will have a more seamless and satisfying relationship if they share comparable value systems. This forms the foundation of what the couple believe in and is the springboard from which they co-create a vision for their future together as a united front and an alliance for life.
2. They communicate openly with each other and stay involved in the lives of others.
This involves a direct and honest dialogue about the mundane aspects of life and the serious thoughts and feelings that are triggered as part of the dynamics of the relationship. Partners create a climate in their home where each feels safe and comfortable sharing vulnerable aspects of himself with the other and attuned to the needs of the other. Listening skills are ready and each feels like an active participant in the relationship. Problems are not hidden under the rug and are dealt with immediately in an assertive and supportive manner.
3. Manage conflict productively.
Healthy gay couples recognize that conflict is an inevitable and normal part of a relationship, and they view these “hard spots” as opportunities for growth and positive change in their relationship. They handle their anger constructively, avoid hurtful comments and assigning blame, and take the time to understand and validate the views of others before engaging in collaborative problem solving to try to come up with a beneficial solution for everybody. They are open to compromise and sacrifice and always maintain a teamwork posture when negotiating their differences.
4. They have a balanced lifestyle made up of individual and partner identities.
In relationships, it is important to take time to nurture the relationship and also to focus on individual interests and activities. Too much “partner identity” makes both of you feel asphyxiated. Too much “individual identity” creates a feeling of being disconnected and living as roommates. Achieving a positive balance of both brings enough freshness and vitality to the relationship where the boundaries are strong and healthy. Each partner feels supported by the other to strive for their own growth and personal goals without feeling threatened because the vision of the relationship is also being served simultaneously.
5. They have fun with life and try not to take things so seriously.
Life can be stressful, so why increase the stress with hardened demeanor? Successful couples are those who are playful with each other, enjoy a humorous joke between the two of them, and are energized by things like tickling, telling jokes, joking with each other, and being kinky with each other. All things are done with love and this approach to your interactivity creates an atmosphere of laughter and celebration for being in the lives of others.
6. They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them develop their erotic potential.
Happier couples tend to report that they enjoy non-sexual affection in their daily lives through spontaneous contact, verbal caresses, holding hands, hugging, and massage. They also understand the importance of maintaining a passionate sexual connection through regular pleasure sessions and keeping their erotic lives energetic and enjoyable. Even for those couples in “open relationships”, sexual intercourse with their partner is still an important component of intimacy for them and they find ways to meet each other’s needs, even when one is not necessarily in the mood.
7. They have a support network of family and friends who honor their relationship.>
Having the support and encouragement of loved ones can go a long way toward reinforcing a gay couple’s commitment. Surrounding yourself with positive, affirming people can be a great boost.
8. They are comfortable with their sexuality and are not afraid to show it.
Struggles over sexual identity and internalized homophobia can really drag a relationship down, unless both men tend to be in the same boat with their levels of externalization. Safe and successful gay couples are comfortable having a relationship with each other regardless of the setting or the public domain. Whether trying out a mattress at the local bedding store or attending a social function in a mixed orientation crowd, these couples feel secure enough in their identities and relationships to combat any potential homophobia they may face by being proudly themselves. themselves. Being able to be free and uninhibited is a truly liberating feeling for a gay couple.
9. They have the following in their association: trust, commitment, honesty, openness, flexibility, loyalty, dedication and devotion, quality time, sensitivity, attitudes without prejudice, loving and without fear of expressing their feelings and their passionate side, etc.
These are obvious characteristics that characterize a healthy relationship, but gay men in particular are vulnerable to power struggles, competition, and issues related to intimacy and closeness due to male socialization in their male-to-male relationships. Successful couples are aware of these pitfalls and work hard to embrace a holistic masculinity that counters the stereotypes with which they have become ingrained.
10. They place great importance on their lives together and focus on not taking each other for granted.
Successful gay couples realize that the hustle and bustle of life can easily put their relationship on the back shelf, but they don’t let it! They make sure they spend quality time together, schedule special “date nights” with each other, and are attentive to each other’s needs. They make sure they are working diligently towards the vision of their shared relationship, they validate their partner in the way that he likes best, and they make sure to show through words and actions how much they appreciate their guy being in their lives.
So how did you and your partner do? These are just a few of the qualities that a healthy gay relationship includes and it is up to you and your man to define the parameters of how he would look and feel for your unique relationship. Use these tips as a springboard to discuss how things are going in your relationship to assess your strengths and areas for growth and come up with an action plan to make things even better between the two of you.
© 2009 Brian L. Rzepczynski