My students and clients have constantly heard me emphasize that our Martial Art is more than a physical discipline; which is a discipline that develops both the mind and the body. This is so important that Soke Masaaki Hatsumi, the great teacher of our lineages, has made it the main objective of almost all of his books on Ninpo and Martial Arts in general.
The presence of mind your training demands helps you make wise and thoughtful decisions. Often these decisions involve choosing others as friends, and we would all like to choose good friends, people we can consider true “team players.”
It is sometimes very mysterious why we choose who we do as team players. We often like a person right away based on some intuitive thought or feeling. When asked, we say that it just “felt” good. Other times we can observe someone for a while in admiration and build a formal presentation.
Friendship is a wonderful thing and is vitally important for personal growth and success. It can be found in the Ninja’s Kongokai mandala used in the Japanese Mikkyo esoteric mind science training. You are in the realm of the ‘wind’ which represents surrendering to a greater good where the total result produced is equal to much more than the sum of the parts together.
Friendship itself is sometimes triggered by what we call “vibes,” or a strange, electric power of attraction. This is what gives it such a fantastic and seemingly magical power to unite people so closely. However, our first impressions can often be wrong. We’ve all made mistakes before in the friends we’ve chosen. Often, we would like to ignore, forget or believe that we had something to do with the selection, but we shouldn’t. It is these lessons that remind us that we are human and make mistakes, as well as the fact that not everyone we meet will enter into a relationship (be it business, personal, etc.), for the same reasons that we do. It is not right or wrong – good or bad. It’s just life.
There’s really no way to be 100% sure that everyone, or anyone, you pick as a friend will turn out to be a good team player. But, the Martial Arts Academy ‘is’ a great place to meet new people, especially those with many of the same interests and often the same focus and desire for purpose, power, and interdependence (as opposed to dependency or codependency). ) in their affiliations. Many lifelong friendships have started in the dojo (“martial arts training room”). Here are some tips on how to choose friends who might be right for you.
[a] Look for people who share the same basic values as you. Martial Arts teach certain values and principles that you should know how to look for. Honesty, respect, individuality – these are all good qualities that many people share. Having friends with these qualities will make it much easier for you to feel relaxed and comfortable around them. You want to develop friendships that are both fun and rewarding, mutually beneficial to all parties involved. One person should never carry the burden of trying to make a relationship “work.”
[b] Look for people who respect your decisions. Your friends will have different tastes than yours. They must respect your freedom of choice, just as you must respect theirs. Sometimes you may feel that a friend is not making a positive decision. Discuss these topics. Nothing is more important to friendship than communication and honesty. Discuss things with parents or significant others and also with your instructor(s).
[c] Look for people who are true team players. You know what that means: people who are willing to stick with you through thick and thin, who will be there when you need them, and who will show you the understanding that you return to them. A friend you know you can trust is one you will likely have for life.
There will be times when you feel like a friend of yours is always making bad decisions or not treating you with respect. Ninja Warrior prides himself on understanding: he tries to see where your friend is coming from and tries to resolve any differences you may have. Don’t be afraid to talk to your parents, spouse, or your instructor. They have the benefit of experience and are always looking for the best for you. There are very few things as precious as having good friends, and you shouldn’t let them go easily. Hold on to your friends; let them know that you value them and do your best to resolve issues as soon as they arise. Trust your instincts and follow your heart!