Maybe it was an annual mammogram; perhaps you found a lump or experienced pain in your breast. Regardless of what got you started on this breast cancer journey, it is important to recognize that you are walking the journey as a whole person. That means that breast cancer affects you emotionally and physically. My understanding of this topic comes not only from my training as a psychotherapist, but as a breast cancer patient. So let’s explore some ways to strengthen your emotional health as you go through this experience.
It is important to have an emotional survival plan in place as early as possible in the treatment process. To create your plan, identify three to five people in your life who are emotionally safe, supportive, and available to you during treatment. Invite them to be part of your support team and share what you ask of them. Be clear if you are asking for emotional support or if you need something more tangible, like trips to chemotherapy or prepared meals. If you don’t have loved ones nearby, ask for a referral to a cancer support network that can help you. If you are used to being independent, asking for help can be a difficult task. But it is absolutely crucial.
The second step in creating a plan is identifying your healthy coping skills. Make a list of five coping skills that are feasible for you during treatment. My coping skills were tied to being an athlete prior to my cancer diagnosis. I had to learn to expand my list, which later included listening to inspiring audiobooks, meditation, listening to spa music on Pandora, and writing. That way I had coping skills during the days when I wasn’t feeling well. Why write these coping skills? Because the days you need them the most are probably the days you won’t be able to remember them. Having a list to refer to will be endlessly helpful.
The third step is to define a goal or theme for your treatment period that transcends the physical aspects of the disease. This can give your treatment time a purpose or meaning. I received 52 chemotherapy treatments, one a week for a year. I was so overwhelmed that I decided to call it The Year of Inner Work. I focused my attention on what I could learn about myself, others, life, and the world with cancer as a teacher. I worked to be a better person, mother, partner and friend. This topic allowed me to focus on something bigger than cancer or my treatment.
Another step is to identify the ways in which you can take care of yourself. List four or five things that could increase your self-care. This could include anything from having meals delivered to asking someone from your faith community to visit and adjusting your exercise routine. It can be small or large. For example, I was diagnosed in the fall, which meant I had to do Christmas shopping for my loved ones. To take good care of myself, I ordered all the gifts and gift bags online. This allowed me to continue choosing gifts for the important people in my life without the physical drain on my energy. Be creative!
Embrace your own emotions from a place of self-pity. Many celebrities portray their cancer journey in a positive light and that’s great. Cancer can teach many life lessons. But cancer also has its dark days; Those days when the gratitude for being alive has faded and you feel exhausted and discouraged. Acknowledge those emotions and know that they will pass. I guarantee that nothing will be accomplished if you punish yourself for not having a positive attitude. In fact, research shows that embarrassing yourself is more destructive than constructive to the healing process.
Accepting your own emotions can be difficult if the people in your life need you to be positive because they don’t know how to deal with the raw emotions that come from cancer. You may feel pressure to override your own feelings to ease emotional discomfort for a loved one. It is important to remember that it is not your job to control your feelings, especially during this time. A simple, “I’m going to allow myself to experience my own feelings. I trust you can handle yours,” can help clear your thoughts with them.
Many people assumed that, as a therapist, I would know how to handle my emotions during this time. But the emotions that follow a breast cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming for everyone. Developing an emotional survival plan will be helpful and can guide you through the most emotionally challenging times. Be sure to include your support people, coping skills, your topic for your treatment period, and your list of self-care strategies. If you are following the plan and feel you need more support, reach out to a therapist in your area to help you talk about the emotions that concern you.